A Contemplative Therapist's View of Celibacy
Whatever the rights and wrongs of what happened in the past, the issues that led to the sexual scandals in the Roman Catholic Church will never be resolved unless we can be open about the nature of our sexuality. The problem of sexual abuse and the fall off in vocations to the celibate religious life, at least in the Western world, can in my view be directly attributed to our inability to understand the nature of our sexuality, which is our very life force.
Sexual feelings are expressions of energy, no different from any other
form of human energy, but like all forms of energy, they are subject to
abuse from the attachments and misunderstanding we invest in them. Instead
of looking at ways of transforming this powerful energy into transcendent
spiritual love we have left it at the level of the body. There, without
use or transformation, it ultimately explodes into the destructive and
loveless actions of often lonely and misunderstood men and women who channel
their frustration, their quest for love and expression, into violence and
sexual abuse. This is not just true of celibate priests it is part of all
of us.
But we appear to expect more from celibate priests. We expect them to "rise
above" ordinary sexual desire or in the case of nuns, to be brides
of Christ. But in order to rise above this desire, it first needs to
be understood. True celibacy can only unfold where there is a complete
understanding of sex and desire. You can only transcend by fully understanding
it. Hiding or rejecting it will not lead to true transcendence.
So how do we do this?
I would suggest that the Church authorities and indeed individual priests, brothers and nuns should explore the relationship between love, sexuality and spirituality. There is a long tradition, particularly within the mystical writings of the Catholic Church, and within many other faiths, of examining Union with the Godhead as an experience similar to the bliss of sexual release. Indeed some would say that man's need for sexual contact, and his frustration at the fleeting nature of that event, is none other than an attempt by him to return to the Divine, which is not fleeting, but everlasting.
The way to examine these relationships is through meditation. It is in meditation that we can experience that Oneness man craves for. And it is by discovering the constant availability of this state of Union, that the need to chase sexual gratification is obviated. Therefore, I would suggest that priests and nuns should be taught to explore the practice of meditation at the very beginning of their vocational training and get help and encouragement to continue with it throughout their lives. Through meditation they will be able to experience the nature of true love without the guilt or necessity of sexual union. We are all looking for love, even priests, but instead we can only find sex, and then mix up the two experiences. The reason we so often fail to find love is that love is not found but given. It is not in another, but a state of being deep within our selves.
Meditation allows this love to unfold, transcending the sexual act. If love flows forth, you do not need to participate in a sexual act in order to experience bliss because you can already know this euphoria without any sexual relationship with another. This for me is the true nature of celibacy. It is not spending you life trying to sublimate sexual feelings but rather cultivating this life energy, letting it flow without rejection and watching it transform into unattached and unconditional love. What these sexual scandals should tell us is that you cannot impose real celibacy without emotionally and spiritually stunting the person. Celibacy should be a form of transcendence rather than a false discipline that involves a constant life battle in order to come to terms with it. In other words, celibacy needs to be chosen.
I believe that all bishops, priests, deacons, nuns and brothers need to look into their own hearts and see that love is already there and know that they too can give love and rejoice in their humanness without being compromised. They need to embrace what they feel, and examine how this can be transformed into something beyond the more commonplace and fleeting physical response.
Through meditation they can experience the wonderful revelation that sexual energy, which the life energy in all of us, can be transformed into the flowering energy of love and compassion. This transformation will not take place by rejecting the seed, but by nurturing it, by being open to the energy and by flowing with it and then watching it change. Then they too will know what St John of the Cross experienced when he went through that dark night on his journey towards union with his Beloved:
"I abandoned and forgot myself,
laying my face on my Beloved;
all things ceased: I went out from myself,
leaving my cares
forgotten among the lilies".
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